Your Man Alex Smith
citizen: it's a bird!
citizen: it's a plane!
*superman flies down with kryptonite between his teeth*
superman: it's a metaphor

pmon3y69:

drdawg:

my friend Pete literally makes me cry with his snap stories

this is me, i am pete, love me 

slimiest:

a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant
“two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’”
“got it. check my dashboard”
“that skeleton gif you like is back again”
he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”

mathsturbation:

were u not hugged as a child

spaghettipeej:

spaghettipeej:

i think i accidentally ate some of my grandma’s ashes that were on her bed

MY GRANDMA SMOKES I MEANT CIGARETTE ASHES

ruinedchildhood:

Domino’s knows whats up

ruinedchildhood:

Domino’s knows whats up

lilbismydad:

This dog probably has a lot to say

lilbismydad:

This dog probably has a lot to say

brobecks:

If you command me to do something that I was already planning on doing the chances of me doing that thing automatically drop to zero

idreaminwords:

frantzfandom:

awisemanoncesaidnothing:

Usain Bolt posing with his winning tortoise at a tortoise race

are you telling me the fastest man in the world spends his free time racing slow ass animals

And his is the fastest of those slow ass animals

idreaminwords:

frantzfandom:

awisemanoncesaidnothing:

Usain Bolt posing with his winning tortoise at a tortoise race

are you telling me the fastest man in the world spends his free time racing slow ass animals

And his is the fastest of those slow ass animals

pinkiepony:

Welcome to hell, Megan

pinkiepony:

Welcome to hell, Megan

monocleenterprises:

unbalancedfox:

g0ggles:

When people in movies run directly away from the train / boulder / truck / etc instead of just like, taking two steps to the side of it

OH NO A GIGANTIC TREE FALLING OVER *runs away directly along its length*

image

Bucky knows what’s up

tastefullyoffensive:

heavy breathing [micano]

tastefullyoffensive:

heavy breathing [micano]